Essential Mens Grooming Products: You Gotta Be Kidding Me?

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Seven of the weirdest men's grooming accessories that are, in their own ways, wonderfully useful!

Have you ever thought that some accessories are a bit odd? Strange products that are clearly designed to make our lives better, but go about achieving this in a somewhat screwball kinda way? Well, it shouldn't come as a surprise to find that weird and wonderful ideas for products exist among men's grooming accessories where, as you'll see in this article, they may look bizarre - but they actually turn out to be quite useful.

From clip-on hair buns for men, to beard trimming accessories that look like something from a sci-fi movie, to kits for grooming a man's 'pork sword', and finally to all other things bacon. This particular world of essential men's grooming products is, well... you decide.

Unusual men's grooming accessories in this article...

Goatee Shaving Template
Clip-On Man Bun
Neckline Shaving Template
Willy Care Kit
Beard Growther
Beard Grooming Apron
Bacon Grooming Products

Fast, Easy and Flawless Goatee Shaving

Taking the guesswork out of perfecting your goatee style

I don't want to be picky here, but many men (and women) mistake a Goatee for what is actually a Van Dyke - and on this occasion I think this product has been mislabelled a Goatee Shaving Template, whereas in actual fact it should be a... well, now you know.

Van Dyke or whatever, My Perfect Goatee (also known as the GoateeSaver) is an interesting device indeed. I like this product because it panders to my sense of things being better if they're perfectly symmetrical, and it certainly takes the guesswork out of this type of male grooming. On the flip side however, it does remove the certain craft that's required to create a beard and takes away that element of suspense, should you make a mistake and then have to decide what to do next. In this respect, it tends to make the art of maintaining a Van Dyke a bit too scientific for me.

Scientific it certainly is, or rather should I suggest science fiction? When using it, you will tend to look like something extraterrestrial or superhuman. Using it is pretty straightforward though - adjust it to the required width and taper of your beard, grip it with your teeth and then shave around it. It's solidly constructed, the bits that you put in your mouth are food-grade and non-toxic and it can be used with most razor types, including electric.

If you have a Van Dyke or Goatee that you maintain on a permanent basis (my one tends to come and go with the seasons), then I'd recommend this product as a useful addition to your male grooming tool kit. The video below shows the Goatee shaving template being used in action.

Clip-On Man Bun

Look just like an introspective Hollywood actor!

For those men blessed with a healthy head of hair (sadly, mine started to disappear years ago), it's often the case that you face a choice as to what to do with it as it gets longer, especially if you're of the younger generation. Older men tend not to bother mixing up their hair styles too much, preferring to stick with something not too adventurous. But, next on my list of essential male grooming accessories is something that I certainly think is adventurous. In fact, you don't really have to wait for your hair to get long enough to take advantage of one the latest looks - the 'man-bun'. The reason being is that you can find them ready made.

Now, hair extensions have been around for a while enabling short-haired sports personalities and pop stars to adopt longer locks overnight, but the man-bun is definitely a new twist here, or should I say curl? Naturally, man-buns come in a range of colors, although gray ones are strangely hard to get hold of.

Anyway, you may find yourself buying a Clip-On Man-Bun as a novelty gift, but I can't stress enough how trendy this look currently is. Turn on the TV set, flick through the pages of men's style magazines or just look around your local bohemian neighborhood. Which kind of guys are wearing a bun? Are they the kind of guy you aspire to be?

Neckline Shaving Template

Hit yourself up with a fresh neckline every morning

Trust me, I'm a man of grooming experience when I say there's nothing worse than a hairy neck - the back of the neck that is. I think what I find most disturbing about it is the way it kinda catches your eye when you're standing topless in front of the bathroom mirror, and again as the hairs peep out from the top of your shirt collar. Yuk!

I happened across a solution to this problem a while back, when I fashioned a piece of flexible plastic I had left over from a home improvement job into a device not dissimilar to that shown in the picture here (I really did this). It turned out to work remarkably well. Needless to say, I missed the boat by a long way - or maybe I just let it drift slowly off while I watched - in terms of patenting this idea and making my fortune as the originator of the Neckline Shaving Template.

Just to be clear, that is neither the back of my head nor my 'invention' in the below picture, but as ideas go it really is that simple. In fact, the EDGUP Template (version 2.0 shown) was originally a Kickstarter project launched in April 2013. Four months later the first shipment had been produced and was being dispatched to all those who had backed the project. Shortly after that, it became available online through Amazon. It's a great product because it's so simple and enables men to undertake a grooming task in an awkward place by themselves, without having to rely on wives, girlfriends or room mates.

Willy Care Kit

Keeping your most precious possession in trim

Forget your hair, forget your beard, forget your chest, forget your back. Forget grooming any other part of your body, but remember one area of vital importance - down there! Yes, I'm talking about your meat 'n' two veggies, your master of ceremonies, your one-eyed jack, your wife's best friend, your dangly bits... I think you know what I mean.

An often neglected area, the potential for manscaping the nether regions is generally overlooked. Whether it's a jungle down there or just a bit on the scruffy side, a man should always try to keep his tackle well-groomed. There are good reasons for this. Firstly, it will look better - just think of all those, ahem, movies you may or may not have seen. Was that area well trimmed and pleasing to the eye? Well... was it? Secondly, it'll just be more hygienic, clean and fresh.

As most men probably already know, when they put the effort in women tend to take notice. I can do no better than to quote from the product description for this gentleman's grooming accessory: "The Willy Care Kit is like a mini stylist for your man's bits and bobs! He'll be glancing smug in the Sprucing Mirror, shearing his hair into perfect shape with the Styling Shears, fluffing 'til he can fluff no more with the Fluffing Brush and donning his ding-dong with the elegant Evening Wear Willy Chain!"

Grow Your Beard Fast

Some men just can't wait for a full face of hair

There's no denying that beards are well-and-truly back in fashion. Increasingly, women seem to be liking the look of well-groomed hair on a man's face, and men certainly seem to like growing it. In fact, beards are becoming so popular that it's almost conceivable men might want to go to extra lengths to become even more hirsute in half the time.

Apart from sticking on a false beard - which wouldn't fool anyone if you were clean-shaven just a few days before - what else could you do to accelerate the growing process? Well, you could try one of a range of men's grooming products known as a Beard Growther. Claims for the effectiveness of Beard Growthers vary, but typically they are designed to get your beard growing up to six times faster than average.

Application methods also vary. Some oil-based Beard Growthers should be applied to your facial hair for a certain amount of time before showering out. Others are designed to be applied like a regular hair tonic you keep on all day. There are also some Beard Growthers that come as pills to be taken orally. Personally, I'm not convinced by the pill versions, as I'm somewhat sceptical as to how the active ingredient would target just your beard area without making you generally more hairy.

In any case, Beard Growthers aren't only marketed on the basis that they can make your beard grow faster. They also have the added benefits of making your beard thicker and healthy looking.

Beard Grooming Apron

No more mess means a clean sink and a happy partner

A couple of months ago I found myself kneeling on the bathroom floor in front of the sink. No, it wasn't due to the excesses of the night before, but due to a blockage in the waste pipe underneath. The cause of this blockage? Hair... from my face.

Within ten minutes, the blockage had gone and the sink drained as quickly as when I newly installed it. However, I recently discovered that I could have saved myself from this unexpected chore by also installing a Beard Apron. This particular male grooming product may seem somewhat an excessive measure for the 'few' hairs from your weekly trim but, boy does it make a difference!

Simply clip the apron around your neck (they fit different neck sizes), attach the suckers on the outside corners to the sink counter or bathroom mirror and hey presto! Your beard grooming apron is slung into position and ready to catch every single hair that you trim. When finished, just carefully unhook the apron and tip your unwanted hair into the toilet or trash can.

Bacon Bath and Grooming Products

Hog the bathroom with the king of meats!

It's no secret that men love bacon. The smell of it cooking, the anticipation of having it for breakfast and the taste of it with eggs, hash browns, waffles, syrup or whatever - it's the perfect morning routine. So, why not extend that routine from the kitchen to the bathroom.

Yes, you guessed it. There are male grooming products that are bacon-related. Bacon products are a phenomenon that's been growing in popularity over a number of years now, and it shows no sign of letting up. Be it bacon ties, bacon suits, bacon wallets, bacon beer-bottle holders, the list of men's accessories centered around bacon is truly endless.

He'll be as happy as a pig in clover, he'll be squealing with delight, he'll be hogging the bathroom while he's sprucing himself with the essence of bacon. And for the woman who also loves bacon - well, our bacon scented man would be practically irresistible! "Enough of the bacon already",  I hear you say. Okay.

Not to be taken too seriously though, these are items strictly to be purchased as novelty gifts. You wouldn't dream of getting this stuff for every day use... would you?